“Somebody’s Watching Me” by Rockwell

Can you admit when you are wrong? To a person, to yourself? Can you admit when you’ve made a mistake? When you’ve hurt someone? It used to be that a wrongdoing or even misunderstanding was immediately followed by an apology or at least a “my bad.” But now, many people have taken on a newly, crafted approach to their wrong doings.

Not only do they choose to sin, they choose to double down on the narrative that nobody can see it, no one is affected by it, that it’s not a sin/wrongdoing in the first place, or that the people receiving this behavior deserve it or have the right to be hurt by it.

Even worse, they have created a reality for their friends, companions and children to buy into this way of behaving and thinking. We will not dive into how and why they do this, as that is a never-ending trap to spiral down into trying to think in their way or provide excuses (false compassion). However, when these moments are taken to prayer, handed over to God, He sheds wisdom and light on how to respond to this hurtful and dysfunctional behavior.

If you have encountered such an experience, 100% of the time, it’s only this hurtful because it has happened in your family. This is the only reason we can see it and are affected by it. But how do you respond or correct such a thing happening in your family with love, grace, and good intentions without committing a wrongdoing as well?

Being a person of faith in constant discerment of my own actions, sufferings, failings and sorrow, I finally see this manipulative behavior as a trap for the person committing it and the people closest to them who are deeply affected by the spell of their domination.

People who act this way are not just hardened hearts. A hardened heart is someone who is stubborn enough to put up walls, but they do not impose their own hardened perspective on others.

No. This kind of dysfunction runs deep and is a newly evolving version of woundedness, and it is becoming more and more common in our society. In our families. In our workplaces. And, so on.

I have been fascinated by this behavior for quite some time and have experimented with all kinds of different ways to respond to it. But now, having finally gotten to the far end of the spectrum where I see this behavior being handed down to the next generation, I was compelled to turn to God about it in a whole new way. It began with reading the very first part of Psalms. I have read Psalms as an ongoing morning prayerful practice. It is inexhaustible, meaning you learn and receive something new from the Lord each time. It doesn’t matter what season of life you are in, He delivers through Psalms not just the comfort and soothing balm to your wounds, but the instructional “how to” of life as well.

Psalms 1: 1 – 4

Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked,

Nor stand in the way of sinners,

nor sit in company with scoffers.

Rather, the law of the Lord is his joy;

and on his law he meditates day and night.

He is like a tree planted near streams of water,

that yields its fruit in season;

Its leaves never whither;

whatever he does prospers.

After meditating and receiving wisdom from these verses, it dawned on me that this behavior truly is “wicked” in a way that we are afraid to admit. On some level, we do not want to think that if someone is not murdering or not breaking the Law in an obvious way, that it is not immoral or not sinful. To zoom in more descriptively, a heart that manipulates and takes advantage is one that refuses to let love in and refuses to be corrected. Which means, a heart like this refuses to obey the request for humility. When a heart does not heed to such a request, that means there are layers and layers and laaaaaayers of shame present.

This shame and anger causes them to create a new reality, for their victoms and the people closest to them in their life.

This new reality is very hard to see even as the victim, but it is even harder for the people closest to them to break free from and see as actually happening. The hardened heart, works very hard at making this reality “normal” for their companion and children, if they have children. This is very important because this means they can continue acting this way without anyone successfully calling them out. If light is remotely shed on the problem, the people in their lives (their family) are used like protectors, shields and weapons to keep from any possibility of correction or reflection happening – trained enablers, who never stood a chance.

The Good News is! Yes, there is Good News here. The Good News is, you can never, ever be truly hurt by someone who acts toward you in this way. Nor destroyed. No one can ever hurt nor destroy you when you have good intentions. But in this scenario specifically, I want all those out there suffering from this to know: wicked can never hurt or destroy you no matter how much pain they have brought on your life.

The attacker’s perspective is not real. It is based on a false, corrupt and extremely dysfuntional foundation.

So what CAN you do? How do you remain close or love people in your family, even when they intentionally try to pit the world against you or create a false reality where you are a “bad person” or the “wrong one”?

Let us first begin with this notion: The fact that such an evil intention exists, proves that God is real. Meaning, you cannot fight against this type of behavior with normal human thinking. No. You actually have to take such a thing to prayer, or you will go nuts constantly trying to figure this out yourself, or dealing with it yourself. The pain is just TOO MUCH. You will either dive down a despair spiral, cut people out viciously, hurt them, or try to protect yourself in a way that only brings you more pain.

Admitting that we need God, that we need supernatural wisdom and help is the first step.

In this way, we now hand this issue over to God and see it through His eyes – not our own. When this happens, we can see that God will not only show us how to respond, but He shows us how sad and trapped this person is to his/her own wounds and twisted perspective of people, love and life. We are shockingly filled with compassion for an enemy when this happens.

Your first human reaction to this might be to want to help the person. Which is a mistake and rash response to this feeling of compassion and empathy. God does not ask us to go out and save these people ourselves. No, He asks us to keep listening to Him and withold our need to try and fix this behavior. We then struggle with, “Well what do you want me to do then? I cannot enable this behavior either, for everyone involved or for my own sake?”

And this is where our beautiful faith is beyond anything you have imagined.

God shows up in these moments with supernatural guidance and prophetic instructions. He shows us another path we can take, but He shows it to us in very slow motion because it is so nuance that we will miss it!

We know this path is from God because it is both empowering and uplifting for both you and everyone involved, and brings peace and healing to YOUR heart. In fact, it will bring peace to each person involved over time. Here’s the path:

• God first shows us how we can turn away from this detrimental behavior by doubling down on knowing our identity as a daughter or son of God, which means internally when this realization has been made, it is supernaturally felt by the evil one.
• Then, in moments where we witness abusive behavior, we redirect the conversation or moment to something else more beautiful, positive, completely unrelated, simply AWAY from the attempt of the manipulator who is trying to derail or bring everyone down the path of a false and harmful, skewed reality.

These reponses might at first sound passive or “not enough” to make an impact, or even “uninvolved.” But trust, there is more. When you know who you believe in and who you belong to (God, not the attacker), your awareness of their evil becomes known to the whole room and to the evil one’s heart as well. They can feel it and see it, even if they don’t show you they are having this realization. It lightning bolts their motive to the core.

Like a prisoner, trapped by an evil spirit, the attacker can recognize what is actually happening. It does not take words. But it does take admitting to yourself what is really happening and that you are not imagining it, and you are not at fault. You must admit to yourself that this person does not have good intentions, is not in the right, and is resisting the love of God. Their reasons for why are not to be used as an excuse in this moment. Wrong is wrong. Sin is sin. And the only cure for this type of behavior? Letting God’s loving guidance and gentle correction into their hearts. And who can do this? Only the attacker can choose to let God’s love in.

By redirecting the conversation or moment, you demonstrate a power they are not able to withstand or fight against. They are now powerless. Our redirection dismisses the person, but not in a way that is condescending because it dismisses and discounts their behavior, their actions, and their choice to go down such a road.

This subtle response has deep impact.

Knowing the behavior is intentionally discounted, God supernaturally conveys the truth in the moment to this prisoner of their own dysfunction and to every single person in the room witnessing it. The attacker will try their best to not have a reaction to your grace and supernatural faith in the moment, but it is happening – they are feeling a light shown on their manipulative actions. And this is the worst thing they can feel. They do not feel bad for the way they treat or hurt others, but they do feel terrible when they can see for a moment that they have been SEEN. There are countless verses to support this concept of light shining on the darkness, but here’s a good one to remember:

Ephesians 5: 7-9; 11; 13-14

So do not be associated with them. For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light, for light produces every kind of goodness and righteousness and truth. […] Take no part in the fruitless works of darkness; rather expose them, […] but everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for everything that becomes visible is light. Therefore, it says: “Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will give you light.”

It is upsettting to the “darkness” that they cannot get a typical reaction from you. That you are not going to go on a direct attempt to tell them their behavior is unfair and wrong. They want you to do this, so that they can create another false reality about you to their loved ones. Do not revel in the fact that the beast has been beaten, but rather embrace it – knowing – that you are guided by the Holy Spirit and it is His Love that is giving you the power and grace to hold ground for His Love to rule over the moment and shine a light on this darkness.

The discipline of obeying God’s command under such horrific circumstances creates a mirror – a supernatural mirror. And it must be held up gracefully, in this composed way, reflecting the light gently. This is the only way to respond to brutally dysfunctional and manipulative behavior.

Another glorious result of this kind of response is that the kids involved and the others you love who are held captive by this behavior, ARE SET FREE TOO! They can see and feel where your love and strength are coming from, they recognize the truth for a brief moment and can see the light! These small, nuance moments become subconsiously ingrained in their brains and when they are ready, when the time is right for them, they are able to break free on their own of this generational, dysfunctional behavior that has been holding them down in such a controlled manner. They too will relive these moments and know that the behavior they were exposed to daily, is wrong.

As Fall descends and Winter approaches, I feel like we go down the rabbit hole of creativity and reflection. I will be praying for anyone waking up during this time, the veil lifted revealing the abusive behavior they have been exposed to or controlled by. Many times, we are not able to even realize what we have endured. We are in disbelief. But know, that though it feels like the whole world is functionining this way, this is exactly why we all must have a relationship with God in the first place and lean on Him to help us be the light, the joy, and reflect truth for those around us. It is in this way that we can help others see what God sees and know that we are not destined to be slaves to this behavior. We are meant to demonstrate what it’s like to be unshackled and not under the spell of abuse, manipulation, dysfunction and generational brainwashing. The more we wake up from the slumber of doing nothing, and the more we reflect God’s reality (not the evil one’s), the more this manipulative presence recognizes it has NO power over our family and friends. Amen!

With Great Love & Joy,

Diane