Burial . . . by Miike Snow

It doesn’t matter how good life is already.  Miike Snow plays with the vision of your own funeral, your own life – a look back at everything you’ve done, in a way that makes you want to enjoy the moment that you leave behind your mark.  Ever since I woke up and admitted that I was special in the way that we are all special and connected, I felt as if my life before marriage was complete and over.  I vowed to start living this next part of my life, post marriage, with that special flare where every person I connect with is for a reason and everything I do goes through the discerning sifter first.  When those moments come where I end up floating through life or blocking a person or situation out, I am aware and catch it quickly.  Inside there is an innate knack to assess where the block is coming from now and a yearning to explore why.  The belief is that this new life is meant to do good in this world no matter the situation and to do good, I must be become unselfish.  That will be my mark left on the world – that I tried in every way to apply an unselfish heart in everything I do and everything that I am.

 

The interesting part about the path to striving to be unselfish is that it takes, what seem to be, strong selfish decisions and time to reflect and internalize the situations surrounding our hearts.

To be unselfish we must say YES to our hearts’ desires, which makes us feel like we are being selfish, since we are doing something good for ourselves.  There are various quotes, scripture passages, maxims, and beliefs that relate to this very notion.  From the Golden Rule – to love your neighbor as you love yourself, to Gandhi’s “be the change you wish to see in the world”,  there is nothing wrong with working on yourself and benefiting from it in the end.  What we come to realize is that the heart is the source of every burning desire that ultimately will make us a better person, or that will change us for the world’s sake.  I used to feel guilty for feeling blessed and renewed as a by product of pain, suffering, or an unselfish decision.  When I look back at what I had done to receive such joy, the source of the joy was never a breeze.  Teaching has brought incredible joy and the most familial relationships into my life.  Running the Marathon brought me to a state of spiritual ecstasy and completely at peace with my divorce.  Divorce blessed me with a life full of stronger family relationships, a confirmed solid faith in God, and friendships that I had no idea could be rooted with such genuine love and commonality.  So now I can trust that following my heart’s intentions will always be unselfish and for the good of everyone, including myself (a cherry on top).

For me at the moment, I am now in a place of being able to differentiate which decisions are made from my heart and which decisions are made from elsewhere (i.e. my mind, insecurities, fears, friends, pressure, competition etc.).  When I make decisions from elsewhere, I usually feel guilty that I selfishly followed through with something that was solely for a superficial goal.  However, now I put guilt aside.

Though guilt initiates the reflection, it needs to be confronted and then released so that we can be brutally honest with ourselves, and break down the selfish acts with our hearts.

Therefore, after identifying the guilt, I face the source of it by breaking down why the decision only led to a selfish reward.  For example, when dating, I tend to be very surface level at first.  Some would call this being guarded, but I beg to differ.  In my case, I actually am very selfish when dating and am interacting with that person in order to learn something for myself.  Whereas being guarded usually pertains to not wanting to get hurt.  I have now entered a new phase of how I interact with some guys.  I realized this recent selfish approach to dating when I was confronted with the question, “Why are you into me when you are one of the nicest people that I know?”  I was unable provide a real answer in the moment.  To give a solid answer to that question would mean that the other person would benefit from my insight.  Part of me wanted to keep that insight for myself so that I could selfishly receive what I wanted from this person.  Afterward, I answered the question for myself and realized that I regretted not answering the question.  Not because the other person all of a sudden was the love of my life, but because it is our duty to inspire each other in every way and in everything that we do.  By holding back, I did not add any growth to the other person.  My heart was telling me that I needed to figure out why I was holding back the truth from those who ask for it, in situations such as this.

As I sifted through each answer that my mind provided, none of the responses settled with my heart.

When I finally asked my heart why I was wounded or disappointed with my interaction with this person, my heart rose to the surface and explained, “You haven’t been respecting men because part of you does not think a guy is worth the insight.”  When I affirmed this notion to myself, immediately, a weight was lifted from my heart and I replayed the moment in my mind to watch how it would go if I had told the guy why I appreciated him.  When it played out, I saw how he would have benefited as a person from hearing why I was interested in him, the same way you feel when you receive a lot of reassuring compliments that come at the right time in your life (affirmations).  He would then be entitled to confirm these compliments for himself that could potentially change the game of our interactions.  I needed to let that go and allow this relationship to grow in whichever way it was meant to grow.  I also needed to admit that this person should benefit from my insights and have the ability to become a better person because of it.  Isn’t that what I believe I am meant to do here anyway, as a teacher and as a faith seeker?

So why not, in a sense, consider the dating world another outlet for reaching out to people and spreading goodness into the world?

Every interaction counts and wouldn’t it count more if it came from someone that you just happen to be attracted to?  Being that I do have a way with helping others see the potential in themselves, I need to provide that gift even in the dating field in order to inspire more people who are in the midst of their spiritual journey.  The actual date is just a mere stage for two people attempting to have a real interaction based on who they are.  But, I can only see this now that I have taken all selfish desires out of the equation.  Thus, even though I am working on making decisions according to my heart, this is one major area where I need to remind myself to not hold back – that my personal vendetta to think of guys in only a playful manner is now over.  This is an audience I did not realize I could inspire or one that I did not realize is open to inspiration.  Guys are to be respected in the same way that I would provide advice for my students or console a friend in need.  If I hadn’t been monitoring my heart on every other part of my life, I probably would not have picked up on this friction between my heart and my failure to genuinely connect with this person.  I would have passed it off as just another frivolous conversation.  I am thankful and relieved to have noticed this friction and now I am looking forward to applying my gift that I have to the world even in a dating situation, whether I have feelings for the person or not, whether I think the relationship is going anywhere or not, or whether I think I will lose the guys or not.  Often, as women, we try to be coy or pretend that we don’t care in order to avoid getting hurt; this would also be an example of when to not resist what our hearts truly tell us to do.  Granted, practice differentiating a lot between your heart’s decisions and selfish decisions before deciding to use this in the dating world because you might mix up what your “in love heart” wants and what your “soul heart” indicates.  The “soul heart” is unselfish and the “in love heart” only thinks of getting involved romantically or other selfish outcomes.

It is also a relief to know that I am actually that genuine.  That when I am on dates, I actually want to make a connection with the person and am not worried about whether it works out or not; that I am not as selfish as I had thought.  I truly believe in being there for one another in this world and challenging people to show who they really are.  Speaking from the heart, forming genuine connections, and giving insight will payoff in the end and circle back to you ten-times-over.  It is considered unselfish, a good deed, and who knows you could be helping another soul reach that next tier of spiritual growth that we need in this world.  We are all special and a gift to this world…

…we must come to this place in our hearts, so that we can look at each person in this way and truly make unselfish decisions when interacting with others. 

We must strip away the stereotypes, peer pressure, competition, jealousy, and any other distractions that we paint people with.  In the end, we are all one and connected by the same function of the heart.  Our mind is able to compartmentalize and analyze, but the heart is raw, true, and wise.  If the heart is the one thing that we have in common, that has the ability to pass on wisdom and goodness, then we must encourage each other to use it in the way that it was made to function – to act unselfishly.

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“Burial”

by: Miike Snow

Misery is all we know lately
Saturdays are all the same
Sympathy is overrated
Like a snapshot when you’ve lost the game

Now it’s all a funeral
I’ve become a serial killer of us both

No, I don’t wanna get thrown in your ocean
Don’t try, you know that we already know it
It’s over, don’t forget to cry at your own burial

Thinking of my 81st birthday
Every day this body goes to waste
Remembering how I would raise an army
When we went back to your place

Now it’s all a funeral
I’ve become a serial killer of us both

No, I don’t wanna get thrown in your ocean
Don’t try, you know that we already know it
It’s over, don’t forget to cry at your own burial