Just for Now by IMOGEN HEAP

Times of suffering are not what they seem. We call it suffering because, for a moment, we are forced to experience the essence of life. We are forced to be real and raw to the bone – for the first time immune to the BS of this world and not wanting any part of it.

Life has nothing to do with the daily activities and festivities, as much as we would like it to. And when we dig even further, it goes beyond our passions – beyond even our families and closest friends.

From my own story of finally being able to touch what’s really at the core of all this craziness, I embraced very concrete memories of peace and serenity.  I return to these moments mentally and visually as much as possible. I keep these memories of sitting on the sand at the forefront of my mind to keep me grounded and to ultimately help others.  It is a form of rejuvenation whenever I need it.

Remembering the peace of just being allowed to heal, being left alone to reflect and just exist, sometimes makes me crave to go back to that chapter in my life.  In that particular moment of wanting to go back in time, I bring the memories back to life and recall vividly what it was like to look out at the ocean and know that I am just a tiny part of it all.

Knowing you are tiny, makes it all that much easier.

And when it comes down to it, being tiny, helps us to completely just BE in the moment, with everything we do and say.

Most of the lessons I learned, while sitting on the sand and talking to the ocean in my mind and heart, revolve around the concept of how it is all just for now. And the more I saw this concept alive in all the surrounding religions, in my own Catholic faith, in my family, in the happiest of people and in the most successful of leaders past and present, I began to truly believe in it – live it – share it – and now, teach it.

There is nothing more important sometimes, than the waves coming in from out back. There is nothing more important sometimes, than the conversation at hand. There is nothing more important sometimes, than putting your feet up to rest or pouring one cup of delicious coffee, for someone else.

In these moments, we see glimpses of what it’s all about. We try so hard to hold on to it – to dig deeper, when we get a chance to dig in the first place. I’ve studied long and hard how to hold on to moments like this, while living a life dedicated to my passions, family, and friends. What I’ve come up with is that once you’ve found and experienced this slowed down version of living life in its simplest form, without anxiety and without fear – fully connected and fully at peace – you now have the control to completely let go, until you finally don’t have to tell yourself to let go.

We go back and forth with being a prisoner to our own crafted lives, whether we are too busy with everyday occurrences or worried about bills, work, and schedules. Then, we get that day off or take that much needed vacation, and it all makes sense again.

But what makes sense again? Can you pinpoint the wisdom you keep circling around? Days off and vacations are like tiny doses of quotable moments throughout life, and when you piece them all together, they bring meaning to Socrates’ philosophic method or to Lincoln’s powerful words that seem to live through you. It’s like they’ve done this before! We did not invent the wheel but it sure feels good to see their words making sense in our time.

By the time we die, we’ll have practically written our own book, or at least one really, solid chapter of which no one else will probably care to read, haha! And everyone will have to figure it out for themselves, all over again. The meaning of life – the purpose of life – the stairway to heaven – the road to success and happiness; whatever you want to call it. The title is different for us all, but the journey is much the same.  We’re all pretty clueless.  Which is why it’s amazing, when someone finally gets it – even if she feels and understands the tiniest part of it.

And still! That’s NOT what it’s all about, at least just for now. All these minuscule pieces of wisdom don’t even add up to the amount of wisdom up for the taking. So, what is extremely beneficial about these slates of wisdom, for the time being? Or to speak in our generation’s language, what is the most efficient way to use these moments of enlightenment? Beyond the fact that we were already built with this inner wisdom and it is only that we slowly start to believe fragments of it at a time …

… these bits of revelations simply give us total peace – if even for just a moment.

Just for now, we feel wise! Just for now, we get it! Just for now, when I wake up – am in the shower – am driving from A to B – am meditating – am praying – am lining up for my shot in the corner pocket – just for now, it all makes sense. A glimpse of peace. A glimpse of what it would be like to actually know ALL that we already know.

Being a writer, I always want to jot down these revelations. I want to keep them and hold on to them for fear that if I let it all slip into my subconscious, I’ll never be able to retrieve it or teach it to someone else when the moment presents itself. But, I am wrong each time. The wisdom is always there when I need to tap into it. So then, if it can’t be lost and is almost pointless to write down, then what’s the purpose of a revelation?

Peace.

Peace is the purpose.

And this kind of peace goes a long way – for you … for me … and then, for others, as a byproduct.

You must harness this peace from a revelation, when it comes to you. For me, this type of peace feels like the tide washing over my body, as I lay on the sand, fearless, and not knowing when the water will cover me completely. Harnessing the peace means I can make myself feel like the tide is washing over me every, single day – amidst the busy schedule, amidst the passion, amidst the projects and deadlines and family festivities.

Any time I become out of touch with this feeling of the ocean waters cleansing my soul, I go back to the revelation room. For much a time, my bedroom was the revelation room. There I was, listening to my favorite songs over and over, lighting incense and journaling until I was back to the Diane self. But as I grew, this revelation room became the ocean, the sand, the porch, the studio, the roastery and so forth. Many places, mostly of nature and creativity, bring me back to this self fairly quickly. And yet, it must be done, as many times as it takes, to make sure the peace has been harnessed amidst it all, as permanently as possible – completely internalized. We must be reminded every, single day of this peace or at least catalyze it ourselves, until it simply becomes a natural way of being.

What if we can’t get back to this safe place – this peace? What if the song, the ocean, the mountain can’t fix it? Then something is gravely wrong in life, and changes need to be made. But trust, that making the changes will not hurt as bad as you think and the pain will not last as long as you fear. It will hurt worse if no change is made, and you will lose touch with yourself in a much deeper way. Life is beautiful when everyday you’re living in your own heaven on earth, this foundation of peace that YOU created, that YOU let in – a world that teaches you wisdom, brings you goodness, and radiates with creative, loving energy as if everyone can see it and feel it coming from you.

I may be a person of inherent positivity, joy, and love – but it’s only because the opposite of the three is simply a waste of time: for you, and for me.

To bloom: a selfish decision in the end. But a selfish one that ironically helps everyone else.

 

Like my favorite analogy of the oxygen mask on an airplane: an adult is told to put on the oxygen mask first, because you will be of no use saving anyone else or a small child next to you, if you don’t get the oxygen first. So the same is, with life. The more I get it, the more you get it. The more I improve, the more you improve. The happier I am, the happier you are. Like something contagious, so is the idea of believing in resilience, believing in yourself, believing in something greater – for all our sake.

Wishing and picturing everyone else blooming is a whole different post, but I will just say it is a lot like meditating and prayer. Believing in others is the best thing we can do for one another – and in turn, it is one of the best things you can do for yourself. It all comes back to you in the end.

So, just for now, allow yourself to go back to the days of suffering and slow it all down frame-by-frame. Highlight the lessons learned and remember what’s important at the core of life. Recreate those strong messages from a time when you were at your lowest and incorporate them in and throughout the practical parts of life. The stress will begin to diminish. The small things that annoy you will all of a sudden disappear from the foreground. In a sense, you will be numb to the most superficial parts of life and connect with only the fruits of life – which ironically, is exactly what it feels like when life falls apart. Use these fruits to fuel your own journey; thus, comforting those around you and inspiring everyone else to do the same.