SPIDERWEBS by No Doubt

This morning was the first quiet morning I’ve ever experienced in California.  I am used to kids playing outside, people playing tennis till the wee hours of the night, skateboarders bombing residential smooth hills, cars leaving for work, gardeners cranking up their machines on a Saturday morning.  Having just lived on the East Coast, I almost thought it was a Snow Day because it was so quiet! I remember how tranquil those nights were before it would snow.  Someone once told me, “You will know when it’s about to snow the night before. You can almost smell it in the air.”  And she was right, except it affects all of your senses.  It’s quiet, you can taste and smell it, and you can see the brisk, clear-cold of the night ready to unveil layers of snow the next day. 

My mind immediately started reliving all the best times I had been “quarantined” during snow days with my friends and family.  We would plan our snow day quarantines out ahead of time too, so that we could have the best possible day together!  As a teacher this was my only chance to go to my favorite coffee shop at the time, Vigilante Coffee.  Which later, I would end up being a part of in a very special way.  If it weren’t for that Snow Day, I don’t know if I would have ever actually left teaching to pursue my dream of establishing a coffee bar one day.

Other times, my very in-the-know pal Colleen who lived in Virginia would call me up the night before and relay me the possible teacher schedule we were about to have.  “Look we’re about to get a two-hour delay and then a full snow day, so if you leave right now and take the green to the yellow line it will literally drop you off at my apartment.  It’s right next to the metro stop! You could be here before the snow hits and then we could go to the store and load up on all our fave junk foods and drinks!  Hurry up!”  I did exactly what she said so that we could be snowed in together making endless cocktails and eating terrible food while watching (can’t even remember, but it was probably) Dumb and Dumber followed by Love Actually or you know something chicks can watch while stuffing their face with puffy Cheetos and Vodka.

To this day, the Snow Day phenomenon was new to me.  I honestly didn’t know you could miss school? Not teach!!!! Aw man, it was the best of times.

You learn a lot about the people in your life when you are stuck in one house making crafts, or experimenting with new cooking recipes just because you know you’ve got 9 hours to figure it out (remember Colleen!? We learned how to clean shrimp that day ;).  

BUT REALLY, on a snow day, you learn a lot about:   

y o u r s e l f.

Reminiscing about these snow days then brought the reality, of how much as I would love for this to be an actual snow day experience, it is not.  My mind stays up at night thinking of all the people who need help right now.  Not just the people suffering because of the virus, but business owners, employees, and those who are not understanding how to be on lockdown – who don’t know how to be a family or how to reflect.

There is so much suffering going on in the world around us, our local communities.  There are a lot of unanswered questions out there right now.  And like snow days, even though we were on lockdown, we always knew that we’d eventually be going back to school or back to work in a few days, which is why we went to the extreme to have so much fun in the house while it lasted. 

But this time, we don’t know when the two-hour delay will lift, or more specifically when they will call us all back to school or to work.  It’s just unanswered at the moment.  We are purposely stopped in our tracks in order to give our own government some time to figure it all out.  We are forced to not work, wondering where the money will come from and wondering how our medical heroes will thrive.  

There are families, parents, children who have had and are actually sick from the virus.  And when there’s posts on Facebook or quick responses about snippets from the news, with a trillion people commenting a wide spectrum of ignorance, hope, and denial, you can see the deep rooted kind of pain going on in the world, that has been there all along. 

The pain of having to be aware of all the suffering going on in the world; do we ignore it or face it on a daily basis?

You see, normally, we have things that distract us.  We can work until we stop thinking.  We can go the gym and mentally figure it out per endorphins.  We can hang with our friends and family.  But this time, there is no distraction, or at least there are a lot less. 

Some of us have already submitted to the lockdown, and some of us are like a fish that just got hooked still trying to wail about uncontrollably.  Trying to find answers in every single news article.  Trying to stock up on unnecessary items that only hurts those around you rather than helps.  Trying to still get that specific kind of bacon you want from the store to where you incredulously go to 5 other grocery stores exposing yourself to that many more people.

This is not a time for the customized life we once had.  It’s that simple.  

This is not a time to have everything go our way like before.  It doesn’t mean the world has come to an end, but it does mean you might have to use a different kind of two-ply than you did about a week ago.

It is sad to see people lashing out about their routine being jacked or their nanny not being able to come over to take care of their kids.  This is not a time for that.  

This is a time to surrender, and let yourself accept that we must be a certain way for now.

It is a time to accept that we do not have all the answers, and that not having all the answers is okay.

And it’s a time to remember that if your routine is all you have to worry about, then that is one of the smallest problems in the world right now.  Be grateful.

Many people out there right now cannot pay their rent, cannot be there for their kids while their kids are not in school.  Many people, the same who have been suffering all along, are the ones at an even a greater loss right now.  And the ones who’ve been on top are pressed for the first time to make the choice to face what is going on, or find more ways to distract themselves.

The possible suffering for everyone right now, no matter who you are is right over that next wave.  It seems so close that we don’t know whether to dive under the wave or just let it crash down on us and see what we are made of.

I cannot help but reflect about the following:

• On a daily basis, why do I crave to help others?  Was I doing enough?  How will I change now and for the future?
• What was my motive for becoming a teacher, or wanting to work in small businesses?
• Did I accomplish the good I wanted to do in the world through both of these facets, and how much more can I do once things slowly return to normal?
• Will it be the same kind of normal?  Or will we all as a whole, be more reflective, more creative, more prepared to help others and help ourselves?
• Will everyone on a human level, think of others more frequently from now on?
• How do I not get angry about those around me who are not reflecting at all or don’t care to reflect even in a time of crisis?

I share these thoughts vulnerably with you because, I have had experiences in life where I was forced to answer these questions for myself and I see this trauma that is sweeping over our nation as a similar paralyzing scenario.  Like the self, we have two choices when trauma hits: to become stronger in empathy and compassion or to become more closed up in denial and distraction.

When a crisis happens:

When “things happen to us” our most superficial layer is stripped.  This layer, is actually who we have thought ourselves to be all along, which is why it hurts, why we try to hold onto it all so badly.  In times like this, you will get to peace and relief that much faster, if you let the superficial part of you go.  Some people call this “surrendering.”  If we do not surrender these superficial parts of ourselves, then we remain upset, anxious, and in panic mode.  Hence, we do not get to the answers in time enough to either help ourselves or help others around us.

I share this information not as slap on the wrist for us all, but because I have the same fears

and anxiety as anyone else and I have seen when my anxious or panic-driven decisions hurt others in the process.  In times of trauma, I have had better results of helping myself think clearly by surrendering.  Surrendering helps me be more creative as well, which paves the way for survival tactics and resourceful operations when we need them.  It helps me think of smart things to set up or prepare for during a crisis.  

We are simply now in a time where it feels like a zit being pressed to pop, where facing all these questions about ourselves is the actual popping of the zit.  Sure, it hurts for a second, but by popping it you will let out all the infection below – the stuff you need to get rid of.  Gross analogy, but if you don’t pop the zit, you will continue to panic and make impulsive decisions rather than helpful, thoughtful, and considerate decisions.

Now when we do not surrender, when we do not choose to face reflective questions for ourselves, we are like a baby being held by someone who loves us and yet we continue to flail about, crying and refusing to give in to the love, when we’ve got everything we need right in front of us.  

We ALL want to do more deep down, we want to help more, we feel helpless, we feel lost, we are pressed against the wall.  Some of us right now are in the position to help others and they are doing so – it’s beautiful.  It’s the truth of who these people are and have been all along, being revealed for all to see.  I can’t help but say how beautiful it is to see people helping others during a time like this.

I would like to trick my mind and just pretend it is a snow day. But it’s not.  It’s a lockdown on all of our lives.  So how will you handle it?  Are you trying to keep your life exactly the same so that you don’t have to change?  Are you worried because you can’t shop at your favorite mall?  Or are you already letting go, allowing yourself to bloom and therefore help others; be more aware as a human and as a walking heart?

When I was a teacher, we had been on lockdown for real shootings about 4 serious times.  And the first thought that went through my head every time, was how to get the kids safely in the room.  I always believed that if I got them into the room we’d be okay.  It wasn’t until the third shooting that took place right in front of the school yard, that I was forced to think beyond that one tactic.  I had to run all our kids up from recess, and up 3 flights of stairs.  The guy, meanwhile was flailing his gun and randomly shooting back at the cops.  This time, my thoughts changed in order of this sequence:

• Point and scream to where we are running to (the stairs)
• Stay back until each and every kid is running in the same direction
• Accept that you could be shot in the back because you cannot face the shooter – face the kids

And the coolest thing happened.  Once it became about others, I completely forgot about myself. 

A sense of grace and peace washed over me, accepting the fact that I could easily be shot in the back without ever knowing it was coming.  Every single kid made it to the stairs, huffing and puffing.  I remember not even being able to run because I wanted to make sure all the kids were rounded up in front of me to where I could see them.  We didn’t stop running, we didn’t look back.  We just ran and ran up the stairs, and pushing up a few kids as they started to get tired.  I didn’t care how serious this shooter was, or if he was even shooting in our direction.  You can’t think about “how in danger are we in this moment” and doubt it for any second if you want to survive.  You can only prepare for the worst, and face it to make decisions that will miraculously help others in the moment.

We got upstairs and I closed the doors and the blinds.  Made eye contact with the teacher next-door through the door to show that we were okay, and got every kid low on the floor.  We were safe. 

When you surrender and see the courage that you truly have inside, or the instinct that maybe you always doubted was there, you see that the situation in front of you starts to slow down.  You can react during terrible times with grace, understanding, wisdom, and intellect rather than panic and fear.  The virus is not a shooter on the loose, but our own fears are the shooter right now and we have to be real with ourselves in a time like this.  We have to prepare for the worst, even if it doesn’t feel like the worst.  Then, we can make smart, genuine, considerate decisions.  Then, we can take only what we need from the grocery store, or check up on our neighbors who are old and living alone.  Then, we can trust that everything will find its way of working out around us, even though it feels completely chaotic.

Right now, many are in a state of panic and fear, but if you play out that fear, if you allow yourself to see what you would do under terrible circumstances, you will make better choices in the present.  You start to reflect at a time when we must surrender to the rules around us for the sake of helping our nation.  You will start to see life in a way that quite possibly will change your perspective forever, and that is okay.

Rough times always bring about change. 

What kind of change will this event have on you?  What has it already inspired you to work on?  What kinds of ideas are you wanting to put out there in a positive way after this all subsides?

Just know, your truest and sweetest thoughts that are bringing peace to you now are the ones that will stick with you forever.  It is through the most painful of times that we bloom permanently in a way we cannot undo – for the better of the world.

 

 

Yours Truly,

Diane