Flying Overseas by Theophilus London

Playing that song you love over and over.  Those are the best days.  You’re running, you’ve got the song on, it’s getting you up and over hills, it’s igniting that momentum and you’re practically singing and dancing as you turn corners.  You could be driving, and you’ve got that song on blast, slightly rockin’ your head and shrugging your shoulders like nobody’s looking.  You decide to go skate, pretending to be in this little world you’ve created, bending low and feeling the ground like it’s the ocean water and carving down hills like this is all you’ll ever do in life.  That is the feeling you want permanently.  THIS IS ALL I EVER WANT TO DO IN LIFE.  Well, there is a way to do this.  There is a way to make this a permanent setting in your life.

Vibes.  They are real.  We all emit them when we encounter one another.  This is my favorite part about interacting with peeps.  Whatever song I was jammin’ right before I saw you, is probably the energy being emitted when I see you.  That’s a match pitch method of interacting – like in singing.  Singers will hit a note and if you can sing that same note, match it, then you’re both on point together.  The same is with music and vibes.  You can match pitch a song, or someone else’s vibe as well.

This comes in handy when you know someone who’s got a really good vibe going on.  Or maybe you’re looking for what you want your vibe to be like.  So you start to mimic.

 

After a while, you crave to create your own vibe.  You crave that consistency and control.  Like, “I want to see if I can maintain the same vibe without anyone else interfering with it.” You know, because we all have bad days.  So how do you maintain your own vibe?  How do you make sure that you cannot only keep your cool, but ARE cool, like it’s built into your DNA or something and can’t be messed with.  You crave to get it to where it will always be your level-headed self, and no one can get in there and mess with that mental state you’ve created.

There is a process for accomplishing such a thing and it requires a lot of fun experimenting and hard work, of course.  First, you must understand, you have to crave to be this way.  If you don’t crave it, then you’re not even reading this.

If you are not all in with the process, then the outcome will be very inconsistent.  And it hurts you and others harshly when it is inconsistent.

You will have explosions and days when you’re feeling really good and then you’ll come down from that high, and it will all be gone.  You will feel very low and sometimes nothing will make you feel better.  It is so frustrating and feels like a state of hell.

I’ve hit these lows from experimenting with all of this.  So after that, I researched all the ways to “make yourself happy.”  From the ocean, to nature, to people in my life, to partying, to exercising, to books, to love, to careers.  And none of it is consistent.  None of that will fully define you.  Only you can define yourself, inside and out.

These things in your life can help define you, but you must put it all together and sculpt it very specifically, just like an artist honing in on her craft, in order to make it permanent and consistent.

When I was searching for happiness, I started with a person.  We grew up together.  We learned things from one another.  We grew very close.  We adopted things from one another like family or a mini-tribe.  And I learned quickly that you must already have a system built into yourself if you want that love to grow and be a true part of your life that adds meaning.

Then, the ocean came next.  The ocean taught me the most.  The water was already in my life, but I began to go to it on purpose instead of just by habit.  I learned how to meditate in front of the water and harness myself on days when I needed to get grounded or remind myself of who I was.  But here again, I needed to physically be in front of it.  I would burst on the inside and have like a mental freak out if I wasn’t in front of it, feeling every ounce of the absence of the Ocean Drug.

I saw this dependency building so, I altered a few things.  I added more elements, like trying to specify my role at work, being more selective with friends, and going on trips.  Then I adjusted my schedule throughout the week and made sure I was partying enough in ratio to how much I was working.  We’re gonna need more whiskey starting on Wednesdays and I’m going to need to stay out until 7am instead of just 2am.  Let’s throw in Vegas!  Haven’t been there in 3 months and the itch is building.

It’s all the same thing, this work-life balance and play-hard study-hard mentality.  I wouldn’t say it gets old, but these are the thoughts that forced me to find a more consistent way of living:

Who am I without all of these things?  

Do I define myself, or do I let these elements in my life define me?

If I could sculpt my life from beginning to end, what would that look like?

It was time to set it all on fire and see how real happiness works.  Part of why I left everything I know and love, was to feel the absence of every dependency I grew up with and still bloom; from family to teaching, I needed to know that there is this innate line in yourself that you can form to keep you blooming no matter what comes along.

As it turns out, I have been fascinated by this concept for a long time.  Through the research done in my own life, happiness is not just a choice.  And even more mind-blowing, it’s not happiness we are actually seeking.  It’s STABILITY.

You are constantly looking for a way to be yourself in every situation.  You are constantly craving things that define you or match pitch your energy.  And when those things are not consumed enough, you don’t know how else to bring back that feeling or create that “happy” stable life again.

You’ll see glimpses of it in the things that you do and the days that you have, but how do you get it to be real all of the time?

Like substances.  You need that feeling again and the only place you can recreate it is by taking something, or something better than the last.  You feel yourself learning from these moments of feeling superbly good, and comparing it to the come down that can really, really suck.  It hits you hard because you wish you could create that amazing world all on your own.

For me, substances are many things, not just actual drugs or drinking.  I was one of those people who loved all the substances of the world.  I was obsessed with learning about them as well, because I learned early on how to make those insane trips, a real one in my every day life.  But since these little visionary things I do in my head happen naturally, I yearned to learn how to teach it and put a hold on it for myself.  The problem is, there is more than you think that goes into teaching basically how to keep a natural trip going.

Similar to the concept of taking something, I needed to climb a tree or jump off the pier to keep that feeling going.  My body would physically ache in places if I didn’t go out enough or do something nuts that night when I was out and about in the city.  I craved those highs of life and there are moments when I still do in a way where I can’t function unless I go and be and do.  It’s not about not doing these things, it’s pointing out how these experiences are not strong enough to maintain your STABILITY – they are not supposed to be the foundation.  These experiences are too inconsistent and we become too dependent upon them.  They need to be experienced without needing them.

So now, the recipe for how to create and maintain STABILITY.  There are 3 main factors in life that taught me how to craft STABILITY and they are not going to look the same in every person’s life, but maybe my equation will help you match pitch a tad.  For me, the most brief equation I can give you is the following:

Divorce (Life Lessons).  Teaching (Passion).  God (Fuel).

Divorce (your life lesson).  I chose to be divorced.  Yes, there were a lot of red flags from the get-go and the culture in which I grew up was going to shit on me for getting divorced.  But I made that decision despite losing all my friends, losing the person I depended on the most, losing all my money, and ending an entire life – the only life I knew.  The fact that it is a life lesson, is important.  There are many life lessons that are just waiting for you to acknowledge them, but until you learn from one, there is no life lesson.  So be aware!  You have to make the choice to be honest with yourself to even admit something is a life lesson.  There are many people who do not own up to the mistakes they’ve made or humble themselves to the world around them.  Living in denial can feel easy, but one day you will wake up and realize you spent your whole life living a lie.  And that’s Hell in a nutshell.

So divorce: it was terrifying starting fresh at 23.  Having missed out on major growth periods because I had been tied to the same person for most of my growing years.  I didn’t even have a job because the teaching world laid off everyone under 9 years of teaching in Los Angeles.  But the craving to live without dependencies was there.  And deep down, the life of starting over was better than being dependent on someone who also needed to find his own way. It begins with a choice though, and no matter how hard the choice was, it had to be made.

I had this fear of being homeless my entire life.  I was the youngest of three and grew up with this innate fear of always being on my own for some reason.  I wondered what it would be like if my entire family died one day.  What would I do?  How would I survive?  Where would I work?  Where would I live?  Growing up in a family of older brothers played into this as well.  I saw how they were charging at life, making all the varsity teams, winning ASB positions, were charismatic, funny and popular; natural born leaders to say the least.  I knew I would have to do the same or become something more to really make my mark in the world.  I put all this pressure on myself very early in life, figuring we’d all be on our own very quickly or something.

I was constantly trying to find a way to live on my own, support myself, or succeed right away just in case everything around me was gone one day.  Though this is something you definitely need to go to therapy for, this fear in me made me a very motivated person.  It forced me to make difficult decisions faster, like ripping the bandaid or figuring out how to pull the chute later.  It actually helped me end the marriage faster too and weigh out the level of comfort from the marriage versus what I could become on my own without that relationship in a very realistic way.

Making the decision to be on my own without any money or a job or a place to live was like finally figuring out life as if I didn’t grow up with the family I had.  I was finally going to face all those questions I used to fear.  Like, How does each person “make it in life” no matter their foundation?  If you didn’t grow up with the support of your family, what would you do?  What decisions would you make?  How would you find your way?  Would I have always been a teacher?

From getting started at life this second time, but on my own without all the comfort of the suburbs and money, my dreams began to come into fruition.  I believe that dreams catalyze more in an unstable upbringing than in a super secured suburban life because you are constantly trying to get creative with finding a way out.  You have to define yourself in some form early on in order to beat the system, since your home life didn’t have one in a way.  That’s why some of the most successful, creative minds came from totally shit backgrounds.  It’s what they did after they “made it”, that may have gotten a little skewed; hence why we need the STABILITY factor.

One of my favorite books to read is Sick in the Head by Judd Apatow.  If you don’t know Judd, get a hold of yourself.  If I could choose a celebrity mentor, it’d be him.  And if I could worship a mentor, it’d be him.  In his book, he interviews all these super successful comedians throughout the last 60 years even though he is probably in the top 3 of most successful comedians throughout history.  He didn’t even pursue stand up that hard, and I don’t blame him given the fact that he and Adam Sandler were besties.  Through the vulnerable, off-the-record type interviews, he reveals the way in which the comedians became comedians and how comedy actually is like a peep hole into the truths about humanity.  Something we all struggle with greatly.

Most of the comedians actually came from nothing.  They came from either not so good home lives to really bad ones, but just happened to meet all the right people along the way.  They followed this sliver of a dream of loving to laugh or going to night clubs just to get one laugh.  They bombed every single time on stage prior to their successful chapters.  An interesting note after studying so many comedians, the more successful ones such as Seinfeld, Steve Martin, Jimmy Fallon and more if you read it, either took up TMs (Transcendental Meditation), forms of believing in God, or stopped taking drugs (or never did) all together.  The ones that kept going strong on the drug train eventually died or their careers ended badly.  All in all though, they all started out with a strong creative sense of trust in the beginning.  They made it out of conditions they were in, and then the paths diverted into either STABLE lives or not.

During this divorce recovery phase I was going through, I had a similar start-up experience where I allowed myself to be as creative as possible with my future, because in a sense the worst had happened.  I was carving my way out of a really bad situation.  All the while, my humor and true identity was forming.  I can relate to these comics in many ways as my bold and brave personality began to come through.  And I didn’t stop it.  I only did more to fuel it and see just how crazy or just how funny I could get.  This ultimately led me to not being afraid to dream big.  To dream very, very big.  And something that helped with dreaming big, was having no plan.  I was living off nothing and had absolutely no plan for like one solid year.  The dreams were unstoppable during this time frame and I basically mapped them all out in a linear format and said, “I will do this by the end of this year, then this in two years, then this in five, and then this will split off somewhere over here and okay, now I’ve got these 3 other dreams, I’ll just put them over here for later once I’ve accomplished these first five things.”  (Teaching how to trust and craft dreams to come.)  At the end of a certain checkpoint of achieving about 3 to 5 dreams, I had to teach myself STABILITY.  Because I learned that tough times were still ahead, and I was going to need more than just a work-life balance to achieve it all as well as stay sane.

Which brings me to the second factor in the equation of achieving STABILITY:  teaching (your passion).  My dad had always taught in the inner city of Los Angeles.  My mom taught in an equally dangerous spot in Orange County called Santa Ana.  However, he would come home with the craziest stories about chasing down kids who brought weapons to school or having real talks with them like he was Edward James Olmos in Stand and Deliver.  The only times he had nightmares, were when students had been killed.  There was this one I will never forget.  One of the boys came to school with a gun hunting down his ex-girlfriend.  School police had already been tipped that he was coming to kill her.  She was sent home to stay with her grandma as a way of protecting her.  He found her at home and shot her through the window while she was sitting with her grandma.  These moments haunted my dad.  He grew up in these areas and even he had it better than they did in some form.  He was trying to find every way to save these kids too and show them how to create their own futures.  How to focus on something bigger, give them purpose so they could think beyond all the craziness in their homes.  He was one of the first principals in Los Angeles to make home visits.  He’d show up at your door and be like, “Why aren’t you at school? Huh?”  Attendance on paper was nothing to him, he was at your door knocking – sense into you.  And sometimes, it just doesn’t get through.  Sometimes, you have to let it all go.  And so the nightmares …

These were real stories I grew up with day in and day out.  My dad was and is this hero in my life.  I already had a natural knack for teaching and I knew I could chase down those same kids every day for the rest of my life, whether they were real students of mine or people in my life.  Both my parents came from a completely unstable life.  They wanted to create stability for us, but they never wanted us to not know what it would be like without that love at home or simply a house over our heads.  So I am grateful, of course, and that gratitude is built in for life.

We’d go to Dodger games and my Dad would take the scenic route through parts of LA he wanted to share with us.  I was used to seeing the craziness of that life, but I didn’t have to live in the thick of it.  He would leave the window down when we’d get gas in Watts just so I had to understand how to handle crack heads walking up to the window to ask for money or stare you down like you’re the crazy one.

And we are.  We are the crazy ones.

Early on, I wanted to figure out how to live both lives.  I didn’t want the comfort of Orange County.  I wanted to know how my parents really grew up.  I wanted to know why we lived so far from everything.  My brothers and I all ended up living in Los Angeles through our adult years, probably for these reasons.  It didn’t look like such a conscious idea back then, but in hind site, we were craving to understand our family, our roots, and the world around us.

My first year of teaching was hard for many reasons, but nothing got in the way of that dire need to create the most amazingly, loving atmosphere for those kids.  The energy to stay at work all day trying to puzzle piece how to create this utopia was effortless because you were hearing day in and day out about a child being abused at home, or you were meeting with a parent for a conference who was barely making it by financially and mentally.  These stories can be way more specific and the worse stories took place at the public school I taught at within the first couple years of teaching.  We’re not talking just getting slapped.  We’re talking rape, molestation, getting whacked with actual tree branches, not being safe in your own freaking home.  Little girls were being taken advantage of at the age of six, and crying during reading time because of complete and horrific emotional terror in combo with physically permanent damage to their bodies.  Their world was completely shattered, so I had to maintain.  I had to find myself quickly so that there could be some sort of light in this room of things caving in all around.

Some people get mad when they see horrible things go down.  They say things like, “I can’t believe this parent did this!”  “I can’t believe she’s high and she’s pregnant!”  “I can’t believe that Dad came in here and threatened to beat the living day lights out of his six year old in the middle of my math lesson!”

Nah.  Those people don’t understand.  The world around us has been breaking since day one.  This is not the first time horrible things have happened.  It’s like the lottery.  You got to know how good you have it even when you don’t grow up in the burbs sometimes.  And as a teacher, you are there to not right the wrongs.  You are there to create a world where each person (not child, each person) can find his or her own STABILITY, so that she can overcome every single angle of heartbreak that is going on in his or her life.  And for some who reach that grand level, they start to not even see the heartbreak anymore.  It’s all just good, even when things look bad to others around them.

So that became my mission in life.

How do I instill this utter confidence and faith in a person so that nothing can break her?  How do you get someone to embrace this type of belief in herself so that it’s like unshakable DNA in the bloodstream, so that no matter how many times they are disappointed by the world around them, they can STILL be who they crave to be.

 

I thought the teaching bug would disappear when I left the literal classroom, but then when I got out of those 4 walls, I saw the bigger classroom.

And man, it needs major help.  We all need major freaking help.  Which is why community is vital.

The classroom was always my mini community.  But communities exist everywhere and can be strengthened.  I found a mini community playing pool, there are communities in cafes, in the things you do like running, skating, and painting.  Miracles happen in communities because people learn how to be more authentic.  They  learn how to share themselves on a daily basis without hiding behind superficial mantra.  And you have to be real, because frankly you see each other so often.  The surface level conversations get checked at the door.  And a community that gets stronger simply challenges you to work on yourself so that you can contribute something more to the every day grind of it all.

I watched my students take on this STABILITY factor as we spent more time together.  Respect, love, rules, and consequences are built in to help this process.  We became a tight family every single year, where Ms. Contreras would always be their mother for life.  And like saying goodbye when your older brother leaves for college, I had to say goodbye, knowing I would always think about them and possibly never see them again. It feels like a piece of heaven when I hear they are going to college, becoming who they crave to be, saying yes to creative internships, volunteering in their neighborhoods or pursuing that crazy craving to dance, skate, paint, travel – you name it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That love that’s in them to become all of these things could easily have been stripped away from them from watching their cousins die in the middle of the street from a routine drive-by.  I’ve only seen a few people get shot and I didn’t even live in the neighborhood.  When a child died, that was the worst.  I would get so angry and it made that fire of becoming STABLE even more of a driven thing.  But unlike their families, I could drive home to my safe haven and regroup.  Most people don’t have that.  There is no regroup-sit-by-the-ocean book for them.  There is only the day to day.  And in that day-to-day mindset, you don’t get to dream unless someone says to your face, “Yes, what are your dreams?  And let’s make it happen together.  I am here to guide you.”  I loved being that vessel for dreams.  Ms. Contreras had and has that magic.  “What do you want to be?  I will help you.” And just like that, we go on mapping out your dreams and getting all hype together.

Teaching brought my mindset and passion for learning STABILITY to an all time high.

There were days when I just wanted to take off and be Mother Teresa.  It killed me that there was no way to help everyone in the whole entire world or help myself enough from watching so much go down.  I wondered,  Am I even making a difference?  Should I hate myself for having it better?  How are we all supposed to function?

Then, I was sitting in a homily one day at mass and the priest was saying something along the lines of how if you let all those thoughts in, you’ll never live up to your calling.  Calling? What calling?  I had a calling to be a teacher, that was for sure.  I had a calling to write and that made me feel good, almost healing.  I even had a calling to be a sister when I was like 8 and thought, “Man this would be sweet!  Just praying and meditating and traveling the world helping people!”

But, he was talking about a deeper calling; the idea that we are all called to something beyond the title we bear, and that if we stay focused on that part, then no matter our backgrounds, no matter the horrific situations of the world, we can all attain this STABILITY together in a way.

And so, my third point: God (your fuel).  God has been debated over and over and I am not here to sway anyone from one side to the next, but I will talk about the facts.  And the facts are strong.  And the facts about God and what I have come to know, have literally paved the way for greatness in my life – not like blessings for myself, but an ease and love for the world that is unshakable.

Nothing else in my life has come close.  Nothing.  Not the ocean.  Not one person.  Not the best song in the world.

Getting to know God.  What does that look like.  Well.  People are going to say all kinds of stuff.  Like “Once you know God, everything gets better.”  “When you find God, you get everything you want.”  “God allows you to be happy.”

Though some of these things are a byproduct of learning how to trust God when shit goes down in your life, the actual nature of God is so beyond anything we can understand, that you literally have to submit yourself to all your worst fears, dependencies, and nightmares.

To get to know God, you must go through the fear first.  And once you are in the flame, in the middle of your life crumbling and all is being destroyed around you, there is God.

 

This is probably my most favorite thing about God.  He will never be a fad no matter how hard you try.  No matter how easy they paint it for you, HE is not easy.  Evangelizing in a way is pointless because the truest form of God will slap you so hard, you won’t even know how to explain Him to another person.  My students, reading about the Saints, and traveling to other countries, taught me the most tangible things about God.  But the intimate parts of God I learned from suffering and facing the pain of who I am every single day.  A relationship starts to build.  You feel married to it.  You start obeying in situations when you formally would not.  And then the good part comes when you just start getting used to the feeling of “jumping off a cliff” every morning.  Your mind becomes so trained to putting all your trust and faith into who you are, that yes, it feels like you are jumping off a cliff when you wake up saying YES to the people, places, and things in your life; fully trusting everything it has to offer.  Amazing things seem to fall into your lap, but don’t be mistaken, it took a ton of very hard work and dedicated prayer to get there.  Then, when horrible things happen just as life does promise, they almost don’t feel horrible anymore.  You just start to take it all in and know that there is more to life than the good and bad.  Good and Bad are very superficial levels of living this life, almost an entitled way of living.  There is so much more when you realize you are here for a purpose; a very specific purpose.

One day I was reading that quote from Matthew about giving up your life to have a life …

Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.

And whether you believe in God or not, a simple way of showing you how STABILITY is capped with God, is just by choosing the harder route.  If a route comes along and you know deep down it will change you for the better, no matter how hard it is, just take it.  You will get to know God real fast, and at the very least, yourself.

So that’s what happened.  I said yes to the scary life of the road less traveled and I promised to stay on this road from then on.  You see, I hated the superficial person I had become from growing up in a pampered world.  I hated having had a better life than my parents.  I hated that I didn’t just take off to another country and become a nun or have the discipline to at least learn moderation when I was in the heat of a crazy night out.  I hated being addicted to myself and  mad at the world all at the same time.

The shedding of this previous life began with the divorce.  And since then, I learned about how to make those harder decisions over and over until I could gain a sense of strength and STABILITY internally, independent from the world around me.

How else can you face the negative things that happen every single day?  How else can we truly help others or help ourselves?  It’s like when you’re on an airplane and they show you how to put the oxygen mask on.  They say, “Be sure to put the oxygen mask on first, so that you can apply one to the child next to you.”  How is that child going to put that crap on?  Dead.  Dead right away.  You gotta put one on first fool!  You gotta challenge yourself to be something more before everyone else around you because no one is jumping at the chance to face their demons.  Hence why it usually takes a GodSmack or a life lesson to catalyze the road less traveled.  At that point, you’ve been going down the wrong road for so long that it’s obvious to make some changes.  But will you?  There are “harder paths” presented to us on a daily basis, but we rarely take them.  In the beginning, these opportunities are as easy as saying, “I’m sorry, that was my fault.”  Or “Ya, I shouldn’t have asked you to do that, I should have done it myself.”  Those two lines hit the topics of denial and manipulation real fast, and yet those simple self-conscious acts of being honest are just not easy for everyone.

Every single person in this world is that child next to you.  No matter what you’re background.  WE ARE ALL CALLED to help one another.  Not just because you had it better or worse – that is not the case.  WE ARE ALL ONE COMMUNITY.  And the more we start to take that approach for ourselves, the more we are able to actually put ourselves first in a way that we do not need to feel guilty about, because it’s for the greater good.

STABILITY is a choice.  And it’s hard no matter what.

The tiniest of things make me want to just go back to my old ways of living.  It’s like a drug that you want so badly but you are withholding yourself from taking.  And there’s no effing rehab for this.  There’s no pill to make you a better person or a more positive one.  You might think there’s one, and then that thought erases when the pill wears off.  There’s just the choice of making STABILITY happen for yourself and constantly trying to get better at it all the time.

Things that help and make the road easier?  Prayer and Confession.  I finally understand prayer.  There are days when the last thing I am capable of is waking up to enter my day.  My body doesn’t even want to do it.  My mind wants to cry in a million different directions because of the stress of the things coming up and how I know I physically won’t be able to do it all.  And that right there, is the golden nugget lie.  I will get into LIES in another post.  But when that lie comes in, that negative thought of “I know I can’t get through …” , I pray the Rosary and by that last bead, I know exactly what I need to do and say to be true to who I am and where I am going in this life.

Secondly, confession is the bomb.  I used to only go like every 3 months and now I go about every two weeks.  It always felt “amazing” after, but then I finally understood how and why it works.  Because when you have to confess to what a piece of crap you are in the biggest and tiniest ways, you are simply able to see the tainted pieces of yourself and are admitting that you actually want to rid yourself of them.  The other half of confession, is you have to love yourself enough to forgive yourself completely and crave to not keep doing the things you feel bad for.  That’s where confession is fun and healing, but most people hate that last part.  Including myself.  Like I already cussed three times in this blog post alone to get a point across, and I will probably cuss a few more times before 3pm.

If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.

It’s so true.  Those days when you know you’ve hurt someone or hurt yourself, long term or short term – it eats you alive.  It eats you alive even when you think it’s not eating you alive (classic denial).  And so, I will not allow this type of strain to hold me back from accomplishing what I need to accomplish.  Those tainted parts of your life hold you back from simply being kind to another person.  I mean what kind of thing is that?  We can’t even be nice to one another because we can’t be honest with ourselves!  That’s horrible.  The bar for kindness and honesty is pretty low these days.  We must change it first with ourselves.

STABILITY SHOULD BE HARD.  Otherwise, no one is going to want to do it.  People are wanting to do all kinds of hard things these days.  P90X looks hard.  Crossfit looks pretty hard.  Running marathons is hard.  Well this is the hardest thing you will ever do, so “just do it,” to quote Nike.  And because it’s so hard, it leaves you with the best high you’ve ever had.  It’s the best because there is no come down.  Once you are in this realm, nothing can harm you, and nothing can stop you.  You will know when harm is coming and you will use your STABILITY to help yourself and help others.  It becomes that permanent, consistent vibe you are looking for, and the best part is, you don’t even have to spend a single cent to try the first day of STABILITY training.  You just wake up and make the choice to start right now.