Best Friend by Foster the People

“Sometimes I feel like I only dream in black and white…”  Foster the People prepares us to put aside our stubborn glances and look deep within our souls to recognize the truest form of a Best Friend.  Am I one?  Have I ever been one? Have I truly met one?  Is there even such a thing?  Where does the term come from?

For me, a Best Friend feels like coming home.  When I go home, the streets are familiar.  I suddenly remember where all the cops hide and the same people seem to have been walking their dog for the past 20 years and not aged one bit.  The pool water still glistens the exact way it did when I was nine, and the trees sway with each breath of the wind as if its branches were never once trimmed.

Home.  Best Friend.  Love.  Comfort.  Empathy.  Tears.  Pain.

I ache to be where God is at all times the way you ache to be with your Best Friend.  It was quite a restless journey for someone like me, who ran around the cul-de-sac barefoot for fear that even my feet would miss out on the touch of the Holy Spirit lingering around on a summer night.  When I run, I have to feel the leaves or leap up and tap the branches as I fly by.  When I skateboard, my hands cascade against the ferns as if for just a moment I am surfing pipe like a pro, bending down and letting the curl encapsulate my soul.  I NEVER say no to the ocean.  When I choose my spot on the sand, I sit right where the dune descends.  This way, I can run down and dip my toes in just before rushing back up to my life.  If I’m overdosing on Vitamin D and feel the heat taking over, I am close enough to jump in and float for days or mermaid-dive deep down under.

For five years, I allowed the ocean to consume me.  Every Saturday & Sunday – ocean.  Every night before going to sleep – ocean.  Every ten mile run – ocean.  Everyday after teaching – ocean.  But now, the ocean is within me.  Just like the ocean, the leaves I just needed to grasp while going for a run, are now a part of my fingertips and the pool’s glistening consistency is now the watering in my eyes.  The California Love is officially in my soul.  This is where I found God the most – here, at home.  Surrounded by the unconditional love of family, cousins beyond cousins, childhood friends, college friends, and present friends I was able to build a pretty solid foundation.

What I came to know and love here was, most simply… God.

He was here all along.  Holding my hand along the journey, loving me completely through every fall, every climb, every coasting moment and cruising daydream.  I once thought I faltered, like many of us do.  But it turns out, the falter, was thinking that I had faltered.  I am exactly where I always would have been, is something that took me a long time to accept and embrace.  Many of us never get to feel this or believe it, but I am here to reassure us all that if we color ourselves with the pain and confront every questionable moment, our pride is right there in the muck of it waiting for God’s love to sweep it away completely.  Even pride hates itself or at least analyzes itself to death.  If pride itself is frustrated and restless, then think of how deep it resonates in us like a parasite trying to make a home somewhere.  Pride is so completely lost and wanting love that it causes an insurmountable amount of pain that just builds layer upon layer.  And you thought it was a sore muscle…

The ocean washed my pride and vanity away.  My friends and family hugged it until it squeezed out of me.  My students dissolved it with every smile and belief in my words.  And then…every time I reached out to skim the leaves with my fingertips or hold on to the branch as I swung from tree limb to tree limb, I felt the weight of pride completely released from my body, while the wind took care of the rest.

All these cleanses of today, hmm… when the truest most intimate and necessary cleanse comes from our very own hearts – but we must accept that believing in ourselves is the rawest form of love, like the love of a Best Friend, who chooses to love you and share a mutual teaching/learning relationship.  We meet friends all the time and we connect based on some form of compatibility in likes and dislikes.  There are Best Friends within our families, within nature, within pets, in books we read, and with those we haven’t met yet.

So, then what’s the purpose of the term Best Friend if it exists in so many different facets and places and might not always be in human form?

After creating a ridiculously solid foundation in my home state for 28 years, I can honestly say that God has led me from one Best Friend to the next.  Like the smell of Mom’s home cooking, I followed my nose to each person, open to what they could teach me and share with me.  Despite the luring sensation of a Best Friend, they tend to hurt our feelings and push us away sometimes, but the consistency of the initial feeling is like the pull of a Guardian Angel saying, “Choose this one,” when you’re in the produce aisle.  Learning this cool little trick at an early age, I have been able to pull all the best tools from the local Best Friend Well.  Just like The Well in the old days of the parables, the pool table is a well.  School is a well.  Work is a well.  Church is a well.  Running is a well.  We all meet at the well to trade in spears and bows and arrows like Start-Select Menu in Zelda.  We feel out who will have the tools that we desire and somehow, an exchange is made.  We choose someone to befriend and they choose us as well… like magic.

The love, help, and guidance of the Best Friend directly correlates with the sensation of feeling God’s presence in nature and in the world around us.  Those moments of “I’m meant to go in here” or “No, wear this instead” – all God.  We know this because when that little voice is gone for too long, we feel SO far away from home.  We feel off balance, ungrounded, (whatever you wish to call it these days) and begin to search for that comforting voice again.  Sometimes we have to get rid of a few things before we can hear the voice again or feel the loving call clearly.  But, once we’re ready, our Best Friend is right there waiting with a message like Online Banking Notifications, “Alert!  You have one new message in your Statement Inbox.”  For fear I have over-drafted or forgot to make a payment, there I am apologizing for my distance and all I feel every time is a sense of, “I’m glad you’re back…now let’s get back to it.”  And there I am, listening intently to His words and looking to Him for direction.

I ache for these moments.  I ache for these messages.

I have to go for a very long run sometimes to get it all back or to clear out the pride that stands in the way.  Now, for the most part it comes naturally to just turn back to the voice, as long as I remember that it is just like going home to my Best Friend.  What is interesting is that since I can remember, I’ve only wanted to be where I can hear and feel this Best Friend the clearest.  Most of the time, it has to do with location.  I can be in a store and know that I need to leave.  When the moment is over, the moment is over – I am simply not called to be there anymore.  Sometimes it’s not about location and it’s more about who is around me, which used to get me into trouble.  I used to end conversations too abruptly or not attend functions without letting the host know.  The feeling was always accurate, despite my inability to smooth the transition:  if I couldn’t feel the “home” vibe in the person, then it was time for me to switch gears.  It is heartbreaking when you don’t want to let go, and maybe we feel attached in some way.  But, this life is beyond attachments.  Again, like Mom’s cooking, I just follow the smell and trust that her stew and cornbread is around the corner.  How did I know it was always God?  Just like trial and error, it takes practice.  I started to trust the voice and realized that every time I listened, everything fell into place or I had wonderful “lucky coincidences”.  Then, after 10 times out of 10 of always having the same positive results, whether it led me to a person I needed to meet or land a specific job, I was able to get rid of the word “luck” and believe in the voice calling me from place to place and person to person.

Even the trusting process feels like home.

I used to worry and fret or analyze until I gave myself a headache – I would fight it or wonder too much.  Now, when He tells me, “Take a break and watch the sunset”, I stop writing and run down to the pool to watch the sun set.  Kind of like when Dad is sick of Mom telling him to move the car for the street cleaner – after 38 years, you just start obeying.  Hopefully, we all learn a bit faster.  Maybe, we are all simply very afraid to trust anything or anyone.  But!  If we are brave enough to trust Smart Phones next to our ears while they charge at night, then I think we can all put a little trust in the one thing we all hear and resist for so many prideful and fearful reasons.  The most anxious conversations revolve around not being able to “listen to ourselves” or “I should have left when I felt it” or “I knew Grad School wasn’t necessary!”  I sit and listen to the most regretful conversations that clearly all have the same thing in common: to just listen to and trust the initial voice.  It’s almost SO common, that everyone misses it!  It’s like the common denominator and we all have giant numerators that need a bit of simplifying.  If God’s comforting voice is the common denominator, then why not listen and divide together?

The purpose of common denominators is to simplify a fraction, reduce extra work, and output data much faster.  Who knew this common denominator was on our side?  It gets better!  Now the data that was simplified is more comprehensible and visible to us, then let’s say 150 out of 1,500.  Why not just use the common denominator (which is GIVEN to us, by the way) and make it (give me a second): 1 out of 10.  Is it the work from 150 to 1 or the pain of dividing 1500 by 50?  Or is it that we seriously can’t figure out that 50 is the common denominator (again, given to us)?!  I don’t know about you, but 1 out of 10 is already easier to see in my mind.  I’m already picturing one slice of pizza out of ten with only cheese, while the other nine have pepperonis.  There’s even a short-cut to this madness if you’re interested! (Just cross out the 50’s and Wha-La!)

The common denominator seems to be causing that aching feeling that we all get – but it only aches because we resist it all the time!

The annoying restless nights where we are skeptical of the dream or avoid saying yes to the job or can’t seem to change the dream plan and get a new job – ACHE.  The work behind the confusing fraction is so miniscule and yet the reward is SO great!  I’m not going to lie, divorce was not fun, but the result topped every ounce of pain that was caused and the healing was ten times better than I ever subconsciously prayed for.  Which is why I write about my journey and path of faith – I have no choice, but to share.  Even if one word or phrase resonates within the tiniest part of a soul out there, then I’m doing what I am called to do.  I hated writing and hated running and today I apparently do both…hmm.  I could analyze it to bits, but something tells me that if I can feel that Best Friend not just lingering but completely present with every move I make, and He’s making magic happen in my life better than before, left and right, then I truly am exactly where I would be as if nothing had ever happened.

The aching is our resistance to the feeling of just “going home” and being with the one we love most, above everything else here.

There is a reason people can overcome horrible tragedies and have faith in their futures.  There is a reason we can move forward and rise above petty shambles.  Going home to the Best Friend, within, ultimately creates a soul that is beyond this world and completely unattached – ready to fulfill one’s purpose and do what is asked in this life without doubt.  Being unattached feels like you are free FOREVER.  All we must do is simply stop fighting the ache of resistance.

 

“Be not afraid…” They don’t say it enough and it’s been haunting me since Third Grade Daily Mass.  Not only is the aching gone when you choose to trust the voice, but when I feel the fear and pride coming on again, I know it’s because I am too far adrift.  Like when you jump off a boat in the middle of the ocean and feel the boat inching (yard-ing) away from you (true story).  The aching is now the barometer for finding my way back to the boat, where my Best Friend lives within me.  I swim back like crazy when I realize I will definitely get eaten by a shark or get tired of swimming, without the help of my Best Friend.  I swim back, get reconnected, climb the ladder to the top of the boat and then launch off the boat AGAIN!  This time, I can feel my Best Friend close to my heart and guiding me through the depth of the sea.  “Tell me where to go,” I say and He says, “Wherever you feel me Diane, wherever I am, is where you need to be.”

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“Best Friend”

by: Foster the People

(When your best friend’s all strung out)
You’ll do everything you can
‘Cause you’re never gonna let it get ’em down
(When you find it all around)
Yeah, it comes in waves, but it’s hardest from the start

Feeling, sleeping, in the field again,
Oh, I can feel, I can feel, I can feel, it’s beginning to end
Yeah, premonition smiling in the dark
Oh, I can see, I can see, I can see the story’s starting to arc

Ohhh ohhhh ohhhh ohhhhh

It dries up
I’ve been a spoken word
I’ve been a river bed
I’ve been a rabid force
And let it flow up from within
Sometimes it feels like I only dream in black and white
Ahhh, ahhhh, ahhhhhh, ahhhhh
And colors so…

(When your best friend’s all strung out)
You’ll do everything you can
‘Cause you’re never gonna let it get ’em down
(When you find it all around)
Yeah, you say it’s what you need
And hide your eyes when you’re close to me
(When you feel up in the clouds)
Well, it comes in waves, but it’s hardest from the start

Waves in theta, slipping into dreams
Oh, I can feel, I can feel, I can feel the celestial beings
Wilted pleasures leave you with a breath
I can see, I can see, I can see the beauty in the mess

Ohhh, ohhhh, ohhhh, ohhh

It dries up
I’ve been a river bed
I tried to salt the wound
I’ve carried more than I can
I feel I’ve got a lot to prove
Sometimes I feel like I only dream in black and white
Ohhh, ohhh, ohhhh, ohhh
But colors so….

(When your best friend’s all strung out)
You’ll do everything you can
‘Cause you’re never gonna let it get ’em down
(When you find it all around)
Yeah, you say it’s what you need
You hide your eyes when you’re close to me
(When you feel up in the clouds)
You ought to know
That I’m here no matter where you want to go
(In your head hanging upside-down)
Well, it comes in waves, but it’s hardest from the start

I’m here, no matter where you are
So let it in with, open arms, no matter where you are
Sometimes, you’ll have to wait,
And it passes by like a satellite or star
No matter where you are

(When your best friend’s all strung out)
You know when
Ooh-hoooo-hooooo
(When you feel up in the clouds)
Oh, yeah, you know when
Ooh-hoooo-Ooh hooooo

(When your best friend’s all strung out)
Oh, yeah, you know when
You ought to know
That I’m here no matter where you want to go
(In your head, hanging upside-down)
Yeah, you know when
That’s how you know
When your best friend’s all strung out